It amazes me sometimes the amount of changes I've gone through in my life.
I took a leap of faith and moved 300 miles away from the home I knew and grew up in. What a life changing experience! I was miserable for a while after I moved, but blessed with a loving family who were only too happy to have me close by.
I felt so lost some days. Boise is a big city compared to Lewiston and let's face it, I'm a small town girl at heart. I learned to adapt and closed off the part of my life and heart reserved for Lewiston. I moved on with life and learned to live in a big city. I fell in love, married and gave birth to a wonderful little boy, who is the light of my life.
Time passed and I began to feel a lacking in my life. My marriage failed and after two years can finally say "hey, it wasn't all my fault. We both failed. A lesson to be learned it's time to move on."
I became a single mom, working full time for the State and selling Avon on the side. So upside down in my mortgage it's scary. I worked hard. I spent time with friends and family. But still, felt like something was missing, that I was lacking something vital in my life. I thought perhaps it was just the loneliness of being single.
I drove to Lewiston in May to attend a very dear friend's wedding. It was strange driving through a town that was different and yet still the same town I remembered growing up in. I loved spending time with longtime friends I hadn't seen in years.
In July, I drove to Lewiston again. This trip was bittersweet in that it was to say goodbye to a loved one who had passed suddenly. However, I was able to stay longer for this trip. Made some new memories and shared a lot of old ones. It was hard to leave Monday for the long drive home. Part of me wanted to stay longer, but work and mommyhood waits for no one. And most surprising, the lacking I had felt before, was gone.
I've spent some time thinking and making decisions for my future and for my son's future. I plan to go back to college. CWI offers a 2 year degree for web design, something I think I would be suited to. My mortgage no longer scares me as I have researched my options. When it becomes too much of a burden, I know what to do. I hate to rent again, but in the long run it will be worth it.
Today at lunch with a friend, I started talking about Lewiston and how I was hoping to make it up for Hot August Nights. He asked if I missed my peeps up there and it hit me. I didn't just miss my pack family, I missed the town. I want to watch a sunset on the confluence again, revel in the lights reflecting on the Snake and Clearwater at night. I want to watch the thunderstorms and dance in the summer rains.
Moving to Boise was good for me at the time. I needed to get away in order to grow, to find myself and see a bit more of the world. But now that I have, the call of home pulls me, drawing me back. I have to wonder how many more visits it will take before I can resist the call no longer and move back home. Not that it would be so easy. I have my Son to consider and custody arrangements with his Dad.
First though, I think I'll go to college. Once I've got my degree, we'll see where the road takes me. And that's what life is really about isn't it? Walking the road of life, taking a leap of faith and walking the road less travelled. Maybe it's time for another leap.
