Frustration Abounds (Beware ... Ranting ahead)

I don't even know where to start. It's the Christmas season ... and I'm not feeling it. No excitement, no magic, nothing. Just going through the motions for my boy, who as any 8 year old would be, is excited for the Holidays. Missing far too many people who are no longer here. The holiday season makes it worse. I've made peace with the whole being single thing, but sometimes, when surrounded by couples, the loneliness overwhelms. Fear and concern for a dear friend going through chemotherapy and recovering from a mastectomy. Trying to be strong for her and her wife, help them with the only thing I can, emotional support and love. My finances have gone down the tank. Just when I think I'm getting my head above water, another bill jumps out and screams "SURPRISE!" Most recently, I received a very nice letter from the PMI who holds the $12,000 promissory note I had to sign in order to short sell my home a year ago. They have told me that I obviously have the money and am simply refusing to pay them because 1. I haven't made a payment recently and 2. haven't contacted them (which I have) and that they are going to turn me over to an attorney. Hooray! The original deal we made was for me to call when I mailed a payment in. I haven't been able to mail a payment in, so I called (last month I believe), left a message explaining the whole scraping to make ends meet and never heard back. My bad to assume they got the message and understood that as soon I could scrape up the payment, I would call and mail it in. Grumble ... stupid, stupid me to even sign the damn thing in the first place. I was just so desperate to get rid of that damn house. Deep breath ... And so, I do the only thing I can ... swallow it all down, take it day by day, and pray for a miracle. I can do this. I really can. Deep breath ... Ok. Ranting over. Tomorrow is a new day and well, housework calls.