For most of my life I have suffered from extreme shyness and low self esteem. If you were to meet me back in High School, chances were you would only get one or two words out of me. Now, well, I actually can hide the shyness. There's not too many people here who realize just how terribly shy I am.
As for the low self-esteem, well, that is still buried deep in my heart. Some days are better than others, but in the long run, it doesn't take much to send me spiraling into a pit of despair and self loathing. I spent a lot of the first year of my divorce in that pit. Now I find myself slowly climbing out.
This last weekend, I learned a lot about myself. First, I never, ever should drink when I'm angry, hurting and upset. That lesson will stick with me for a long time. Alcohol is not the answer and while it may numb the pain for a while, it always comes back.
Second, I am not fully healed from my divorce. My Gnome helped me realize that. I'm not sure what I need to do to heal, but I will, someday. I will wait patiently for that day when I can love myself again and not despair over failing in my marriage. She also kindly pointed out, that I really am too hard on myself.
Third, I am a wild thing and there is nothing in this world that can hold me back from what I want. Thank you My Dragon for that. I hope you know how much your words meant to me and how badly I needed to hear them.
So who am I? I have struggled long with this. This is a start:
I am the good Catholic girl.
I am a little bit country
I am a little bit city
I am a wild thing, full of passions, desires, needs, wants, and Love.
I am a part of the Pack
I am my mother's daughter
I am a mother to my son
I am not perfect and it's taken me long enough to accept that
I am a friend to many
I am loved by many
I love...
I am me...and for once in my life, I am happy with me.
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